Celebrity lives aren’t all glitz and glam; some are downright terrible. Angelina Jolie is no exception, as she just shared a surprising admission about her own life. According to Herald Scotland, the actress admitted that she had considered suicide when she was younger. But the Tomb Raider actress realized that suicide would be difficult for her family, so she decided that getting murdered was a better alternative. As a result, she decided to hire a hitman to assassinate her rather than do it herself.

“This is going to sound insane but there was a time I was going to hire somebody to kill me,” she previously told Farout magazine. “With suicide comes all the guilt of people around you thinking they could have done something. With somebody being murdered, nobody takes some kind of guilty responsibility. I was very aware that so many people around me, like my mother, would feel as though they didn’t give enough or do enough if I’d taken my own life,” she said. “So my solution to that was if someone else had taken my life – like in a ‘robbery’ – then it would be murder and it wouldn’t be that anyone would feel they’d let me down.”

The Face asked Jolie why she felt obligated to hire a hitman to murder her. “They’re not that hard to find in New York,” she said. “As insane as it sounds, I think a lot of people consider suicide when they’re young.”

Jolie had withdrawn tiny sums of money from her account over time to pay the hitman in order to avoid suspicion. However, the hitman she hired had a conscience and tried to persuade the young Jolie to see reason. “The person spoke very sweetly to me, he made me think about it for a month. And after a month other things changed in my life and I was surviving again.”

“He was a decent enough person and asked if I could think about it and call him again,” she explained. “Something changed in my life and I figured I’d stick it out.”

The actress’s mental health problems didn’t end there; she had a nervous breakdown when she was 24. But all changed once she had her first child and finally found the stability she craved in her life. Now 46, she is a mother of six who adores her children more than anything else in the world.