Selena Gomez claims that despite being diagnosed with lupus five years ago, she continued to overwork her body and mind because she refused to accept the gravity of the condition.

The Same Old Love singer was diagnosed with autoimmune disease in 2015, but she didn’t let it stop her from keeping up with her demanding schedule. Despite terrible symptoms, she continued to perform and compose music, and she says she was burying her head in the sand regarding her health.

“I’d get fevers, headaches. I’d get fatigued, but I always kept going,” Gomez explains in an interview with Savannah Guthrie of ET. “I ignored it to be honest, because it wasn’t something maybe I really wanted to accept. I don’t think I made the right decisions because I didn’t accept it. And that’s extremely selfish and at the same time, really, really unnecessary. You know, I’m not really proud of that.”

When Guthrie indicated that Gomez was hard on herself, she responded, “That would be easier if I just accepted it, but I am definitely the hardest person on myself, for sure.”

Last year, Gomez took time off to deal with anxiety, panic attacks, and sadness brought on by an inflammatory condition that impacted her entire body, ranging from arthritis to fatigue.

“I went away to a facility. I took some time off. I need to get my mind right and be healthy,” said Gomez, who didn’t see Raisa for six months. “I removed myself from everyone in my life.” Their continued friendship afterward is a testament to the fact “that you have people in your life that can understand where you are, not judge you for it, not make you feel bad for it,” she said. And, according to Raisa, “It was a huge lesson of friendship for me and trust, because it’s easy to feel offended or want to be there. It’s just…they need to go through their own thing.”

“I don’t think I ever accepted the position I had,” Gomez said. “It was me almost feeling guilty about fame, because people could see anyone in my position and say, ‘Wow, they’ve got it all figured out. They’ve got everything. They get to live this cool life.’”

But, “you’re isolated. You’re being looked at. You’re being judged. I’m always trying to be nice. I want to be great. That’s genuinely who I am, deep down. But it just seemed pointless.”

In September, Gomez stated that she and Raisa were recovering from surgery, and on Monday, she thanked Raisa for saving her life. “She did, after all,” she said. “I guess I got to the point where it was really kind of life or death.”  She declared, “As soon as I had the kidney transplant, I was like a new person.” “”My arthritis went away. My lupus—there’s about a 3 to 5 percent chance it’ll ever come back. My blood pressure is better. My energy, my life has been better.” Gomez believes that their tale would inspire others who are going through similar experiences. “I just hope that this inspires people to feel good,” the pop artist remarked.

Following the treatment, the “Bad Liar” singer reunited with Justin Bieber, her ex-boyfriend. “Selena is simply trying to make peace with Justin after her illness,” a source told Us Weekly of the exes’ reunion on Tuesday, October 24, in Los Angeles. Despite a source telling Us that The Weeknd “doesn’t care” whether Gomez spends time with Bieber, Us reported on Monday, October 30, that the 10-month-long romance had broken up.