In the latest AppleTV+ docuseries The Me You Can’t See, Prince Harry discusses his mental health problems. The Duke of Sussex, who co-created the show with Oprah, discussed how royal life and his mother’s death influenced him and his relationship with Meghan Markle in great depth.

The Duke of Sussex, 36, said he realized he could ‘lose the woman he could see spending the rest of his life with’ if he didn’t ‘fix’ himself.

According to People, the Duke of Sussex discusses how therapy was not widely discussed in his household, but that people observed a difference in him in the years following the death of his mother, Princess Diana.

“It was only when a couple of people close to me started to say, ‘This isn’t normal behavior, perhaps you should look into this or perhaps you should go and seek help,’” Prince Harry says. “Now immediately, I was like, I don’t need help.”

Afraid of losing Meghan, Harry sought professional advice in a variety of ways. “I saw GPs. I saw doctors. I saw therapists. I saw alternative therapists. I saw all sorts of people, but it was meeting and being with Meghan,” he said. “I knew that if I didn’t do the therapy and fix myself that I was going to lose this woman who I could see spending the rest of my life with.”

Harry described how he used drugs and alcohol to numb his pain, not realising what he was doing at the moment, and how when people close to him told him he needed help, he would pretend he didn’t.

He didn’t realize he needed assistance until he met Meghan, he said in the second episode. He’s been in counseling for four years.

His now-wife Meghan Markle helped him in seeing the value of counseling. “It was meeting and being with Meghan, I knew that if I didn’t do therapy and fix myself, that I was going to lose this woman who I could see spending the rest of my life with,” he said.

“There was a lot of learning right at the beginning of our relationship. She was shocked to be coming backstage of the institution of the British royal family. When she said, ‘I think you need to see someone,’ that was in reaction to an argument we had. And in that argument, not knowing about it, I reverted back to 12-year-old Harry.”

Harry was initially apprehensive about going to therapy. He later learned that his mental health issues were linked to his mother, Princess Diana’s, death. “I felt somewhat ashamed and defensive,” Harry revealed. “Like, ‘How dare you? You’re calling me a child.’ And she goes, ‘No, I’m not calling you a child. I’m expressing sympathy and empathy for you for what happened to you when you were a child. You never processed it. You were never allowed to talk about it and all of a sudden now it’s coming up in different ways as projection.’”

Harry described how he sought to drive his mother out of his mind before seeking help.

‘I don’t want to think about her, because if I think about her then it’s going to bring up the fact that I can’t bring her back and it’s just going to make me sad,’ he said.

‘What’s the point in thinking about something sad, what’s the point of thinking about someone that you’ve lost and you’re never going to get back again. And I just decided not to talk about it.’