Chris Brown has spoken out about his attack on ex-girlfriend Rihanna, detailing a turbulent relationship that resulted in his assaulting her.

According to People, Chris Brown: Welcome To My Life, a documentary focuses on the night Brown was arrested for physical abuse in 2009.

Brown, 28, admits that he was 15 years old when he met the 29-year-old Barbadian musician, then 16, at a New York City event in 2004. The two instantly fell in love, but their relationship took a turn when Brown revealed to Rihanna that he had slept with someone else before to their romance – something he had previously denied.

“My trust totally was lost with her,” Brown says in the documentary. “She hated me after that. I tried everything, she didn’t care. She just didn’t trust me after that. From there, it just went downhill because there were too many verbal fights, physical fights as well. Mutual sides. It is the first time I get to say anything. We would fight each other. She would hit me, I would hit her and it never was OK.”

“There was always a point where we’d talk about it like, ‘What the fuck are we doing?’” he continued. “Like, ‘I don’t like you slapping me.’ If I go on stage I got a scratch on my face and I gotta explain it like, ‘Oh, no I fell.’ If you got a scar or a bruise you gotta put makeup on. I’m not ever trying to put my hands on any female.”

“I felt like a f—ing monster,” he continued.

Brown also recounts that the fight happened after a Grammys ceremony in February 2009, which prompted him to turn himself in. According to Brown’s recollection, the lady he had previously dated showed up at the event.

“The ceremony’s about to start, she’s just crying,” Brown said of the occasion with Rihanna. “She got over it. She started drinking a little bit, we both was drinking a little bit. We were both drinking a little bit, laughing, joking. And then we left.”

That night, Rihanna discovered a text message from the lady on Brown’s phone, leading her to assume he knew the other woman would be there.

“She starts going off, she throws the phone, ‘I hate you!’, whatever, whatever, she starts hitting me, we’re in a little Lamborghini, you know she’s fighting me,” said Brown in the clip. “Like I remember she tried to kick me, just like her beating shit, but then I really hit her. With a closed fist, like I punched her, and it busted her lip, and when I saw it I was in shock, I was ‘fuck, why did I hit her like that?’”

“From there, she just spit in my face, spit blood in my face, so it enraged me even more. It was a real fight in a car.”

“She grabbed my nuts. And when she did that, I bite her arm while I’m still trying to drive.”

The confrontation raged on until Brown pulled over, prompting Rihanna to pull the keys out of the car.

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“She takes the keys out of the car and fakes it like she throws them out of the window,” Brown said. “I get out of the car and I’m looking for the keys and somebody yelled and she yells out her door, ‘Help, he’s trying to kill me.’”

“I look back at that picture and I’m just like: that’s not me,” he added, referring to a photo of her injuries that circulated in the media. “I hate it to this day – that’s going to haunt me forever.”

Rihanna stated in a 2009 interview following the incident that she “fended him off with my feet.” Brown reportedly threatened to murder her “to scare me,” she said, and “all I kept thinking was, ‘When is it going to stop?'” “The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other, equally as dangerous,” she said of their relationship.